Monday accomplishments (or more accurately, musings)

I have this dream of being a stay at home mom again. When I was pregnant with Rachel, I was mildly obsessed with the idea and majorly devastated that it couldn't happen before I had to go back to work after maternity leave. Of course that was the start of a fairly significant journey in my life, if you remember, so I've been able to move on past heartbroken and depressed to a bit more positive and focused. I had to focus on what I love about my life, and my job in particular, so I wasn't overwhelmed with negativity everyday at work. What I ultimately realized is that while I would love to be a full time stay at home mom, and would never turn down that opportunity should it arise again, I would also be very happy with a part time situation. I LOVED only working part time when I first started at the library. I only gave that up because I hated working every Saturday and we needed more money. I've loved how my job has allowed me to grow and learn new skills, but I still find myself feeling envious of the people in a couple part time jobs in particular. I dream of being able to work 9-1 Monday through Friday. I wouldn't mind if it was still at the library, but since I still dream of being an archivist, I would prefer if it was in a museum archive. I like the idea of being able to then come home and spend the rest of the day with the kids, doing crafts, errands, playground trips, etc.

I realize how much I long for this lifestyle even more when I have my working weekends. Regular weekends get so jam-packed with chores, errands, and activities. Most people have those days off so we all feel the same rush to accomplish everything we can't during the week on those 2 days. Then we also want to spend some of that time having fun too. And we should! We are all so busy and are burning ourselves out with crazy hectic lives, too many working hours in the week, too long of commutes, too many obligations, and not enough hours in the day/week. We need to have some down time to remember what life is all about (enjoying what time we have on this earth). I usually end up doing what needs to be done and feel like I didn't get enough time to myself and/or with my kids, or it's the other way around, and I start my work-week out feeling unrested and guilty over something. I do recognize this is a ridiculous way to live, and I'm working on that. But that's not what we're talking about today. :)

Today, I realized something. I had to work on Saturday, which always sucks, but it's a fact of my job so I deal with it. Charlie had the kids and had some obligations with friends, so he took them and did what he needed to do. I got home a couple hours before him, got some down time for myself then had some time with them all when they got home. Yesterday, we had plans to go swimming at a friend's house around lunch so Charlie got some errands done in the morning then we had a whole day of fun. I didn't feel rushed or guilty or anything because I knew I had today to get chores and errands done. It was relaxed and amazing. Today, I woke up with the intention of getting stuff done today. I'm not a morning person and usually it takes so major convincing to get myself moving in the morning when all I want to do is sit on the couch reading and drinking coffee. But Ethan wanted to dance, so I got up and danced with him and Rachel (good excuse for exercise!). Then I made us all breakfast and got us ready for the day. And before I could sit down and be lazy, I took us all to the grocery store. Rachel fell asleep on the way home so I let Ethan do sidewalk chalk and ride his scooter up and down for awhile before lunch. Now it's cool-down time and quiet time so we're ready for the afternoon. Charlie should be home early today from work, so I'm going to take that time to get some decluttering projects done. It's amazing how much more you can do on a random day off when most people work. You just know that you can't really be distracted by friends because they're all working! So while it sucks to work on Saturdays, it's also kind of a blessing in disguise! But, in regards to what I was saying above, it also reminds me what it's like to be a stay at home mom. And I'm choosing to let these feelings fuel my desire to work toward that dream rather than depress me and drag me down.

One thing I've learned over the last 6 months is how important self-care is. To me, this all has a lot to do with self-care. Take the time I need to have time for myself, for my family and for the house. Even if it doesn't fit into the American standard of how I'm supposed to live my life. Even if it doesn't fit the old feminist idea that we can have it all, because realistically, we can't! Because by taking enough time for all these things, I won't live with stress, overwhelm and guilt.

In this same vein, I just read a really important, inspiring blog post by the Hands Free Mama. It's amazing how the things you really need in your life fall into your lap at just the right moment.